Particular Memories of Sirius Black
by milacarr
Summary: Sometimes, a pensieve just isnt good enough. Sirius reminisces with a journal. His wife's journal.
1. Chapter 1

Sirius Black was tired. Sirius Black was depressed. Most of all, Sirius Black was lonely, and so he took a small green book, and a bottle of firewhiskey into his library and lit the fire. Setting down the bottle on an end table, he opened the small book, flicking the pages until he found the first page. The spidery script danced before his eyes, and he lifted his hand to find…teardrops? Did he miss companionship so much that he would break Willow's first rule of proper grieving? Apparently so. Delving deep into the small journal, he began to reminisce about the girl he had so willingly given his heart.

It was back in his seventh year. Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter against Snivellus. Then Snivellus had an ally, and it was as if things changed. How could they pick on Severus when that girl swooped down like an avenging angel, handing them their arses on a platter? James had still tried every now and then, but it was useless. No fun when you were the one being hurt.

One day in the beginning of term, soon after Willow Habibiti made her slight presence known to the Marauders, Sirius had seen Severus in an empty classroom, casting elaborate charms and hexes. It had inspired Sirius so; that he too found a place that he could practice his own wand work. He did not know that that brilliant little red headed witch used the very same clearing in the forest at night, while he visited in day.

Sirius surfaced from the book for a moment to wipe his eyes. A grin was on his face, and the tears leaking from his dark eyes were laughter. His Willow had always appeared as he had tormented Severus, like a darkly glowering mother hen. He had had no idea that she called him a pompous prat back then. Picking the journal up once again, he read once more of the day that he and Willow had actually met, and began their trek down life's paths.

Willow had been harvesting her various magical plants that night. Soon, having discovered that one rare blue Wizards Rose was ready to harvest, she spread out a blanket, and plunking her big straw hat on her head, she sat to wait. Wringing the fabric of her green robes between her slim white hands, she waited.

Before Willow knew it, she had begun to work with the blue rose, warming it sufficiently and running through the halls to the Slytherin boys' dorms. Delivering the rose was no easy task, as she had to hide from the monitors that were looking for her. Professor Sprout had apparently given her permission, but had forgotten to tell anyone else.

Before long, it was dawn, and Willow had yet to go out and clean the clearing. Hunching her shoulders against the morning winds, she went out along the forest, strolling contently along the paths. Everywhere she walked, plants were vying for the girls attentions, and she spoke to each plant in a kind, caring way.

However, it wouldn't last long, since that lout, as she put it, Sirius was traipsing his way down to visit "His" clearing. In fact, he nearly traipsed his way right over her, if she had not have pushed him off the edges of her robes. For a moment, the two of them had stood, silently glaring at one another. Then, Sirius surprised her with a hand thrust in between of them, and apologizing.

Sirius was still proud of that apology. It had won him his wife's heart, Merlin rest her poor soul. He remembered the way she had stood flustered, her mouth gaping open like some poor, hooked fish. However, Sirius didn't remember very much of that day. It was around the time that Lily had turned her good favors upon poor James. Turning back to the book, he flipped pages to the middle. Ah, this was a good part.

Willow and Sirius married in secret the same day that Lily and James married. Unfortunately, Willow's parents had already forced her into taking the dark mark, and so Sirius did not get to see his wife until three days after the ceremony. It had broken her heart that day, he knew, to leave him in their new apartment all alone. It had broken her heart to watch her go, but the Dark Lord waited for no one. He preferred his Willow in one piece.

Pausing once more, Sirius lifted his face to where Willow held their small, newborn daughter. Passing his fingers along the glass, Sirius felt the tears rising once more, and he shut the book. He didn't need the words to give him the memories.

Unlike Lily and James news two months earlier, Willow told Sirius their news with a heavy heart. She was pregnant. Willow watched as Sirius' face went from ecstatic, to crestfallen. There was no way Willow could spy on the Dark Lord, when she was pregnant. They looked in one another's eyes, and they both knew. Willow would be executed. There would be no way to run, no way to hide. Grabbing up his hat and cloak, Sirius stormed out into the downfall pelting uptown London.

Willow had never really gotten over that moment, he knew. Terrified that this was the moment that he'd never come back, Willow had crawled into the bathtub and shook as she prayed for that guiding light Muggles spoke about all the time. It never came, and so she ran the water in the tub, slowly cutting along her arteries.

Sirius had come home just in time to find his pretty wife, bleeding to death. Tearstained eyes stared blankly at the wall, shaking Sirius to the core. Yanking her up and a towel around her, Sirius apparated to St. Mungo's. Thrusting her limp body to a healer, he paced along the hallways. There was no way he could even owl his friends for help. No one could know, he knew that, and so he went through it all alone.

Soon, the Healer in charge of maternity came out to speak to him. It was true that his wife was pregnant, the healer said. He also explained that they had had to use an experimental procedure involving a timeturner to age both Willow and the baby, forcing the delivery. He now had a daughter. The healer invited Sirius back to see Willow.

But it was too late, Sirius remembered. An associate of Willows had been in the adjoining wing, visiting his wife. Discovering the child, Sirius' child, he had gone to the Dark Lord, who in turn ordered the execution of Willow Black.

It was something Sirius would never live down. Not only had he driven his wife to suicide, he had never told her he loved her. He had come back to fix his mistake, only to find her dying, and then dead.

Sirius walked slowly home with the child tucked into the crook of his arm. The cinnamon eyes and frizzy brown hair of Vanora Black stared back at him. He could not keep this reminder of his precious Willow. Already, it was killing him inside. Looking up to see where he was, shocked to see he was outside of a muggle orphanage.

Therefore, Sirius Black made the third mistake of his day. He went in and dropped his newborn off. Covering his face with his hands, he dropped back into his chair, sobbing for all he was worth. It was the anniversary of that fateful, terrible day. Glancing at the calendar, the date. September Nineteenth. His little girl's birthday, Vanora Black. No, no it was not that anymore. The Muggles had renamed her Hermione Granger.


	2. Chapter 2

Two Years Later

Hermione stared in shock at Molly Weasley, her mouth gaping open and closed like a fish. Her hands went limp, let go of the teacup that had been grasped in her hands. A soft sigh escaped from between gently parted lips.

"So what you're saying is that I had wizarding parents I never knew as my parents, but I knew at least one and now it's my turn to save them?"

At the nod of Molly's head, Hermione shuddered. Nothing was ever simple here, was it? Of course it wasn't. She knew the answer to that question. Stroking her fingers along the rock that sat along her left ring finger, she gave a soft sigh. Viktor would never understand.

"Its Sirius isn't it? The one that I have to save, the one that's trapped."

" Yes Hermione. He can be saved also, but only with the blood of his living relative. You."

)o0o0o0o0o0(

A/n

So what should I do from here? Give me some ideas!


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